Alice and Shorty

My Dearest Alice:

As you know, it has been about ten days since I wrote. Or at least, that is the last time I remember writing. So much has happened and so little can be told; therefore, I’m not going to try to explain. I’ve thought of you constantly. So it wasn’t that I’d forgotten. Maybe it would be better if I could forget for awhile now and then, but that is not the case.

You were telling me about going out with the guy. I hardly know what to say and make you see what I mean. I certainly don’t think you should stay home all the time. That would be the easiest way I know of losing you. Loneliness is a dreadful disease. You owe it to yourself and to me to go out when you choose. Only I hope you don’t go out too often with the guy in question. As long as you go with several, I’ll not think anything of it. But, Dear, you do understand what going, often, with one certain guy can cause, don’t you? I forbid not that you shall go with whomever you please, whenever you please. I trust you not to forget me. I am not sure we will be here the duration, but if I should be, it would be a long time to stay home all the time. I will admit I am still, as I have always been, just a bit jealous where that guy in question is concerned. But I do trust you absolutely; so you be your own master. Just don’t let anyone ever tell you that I don’t love you. You are all my dreams in one. Remember the song - “Be Honest With Me.”?

I am glad you got to see your brother while he was on leave. I’ve had three letters from Dee and he is about seven hundred miles from me. I still may get to see him some day. He is at a place you have often heard mentioned in the news. But he is safe, now. You have probably wanted to know more about the occupation of Kiska. Well, someday, I can tell you all of it, maybe. Any way, we are the master of the North Pacific now. The Japs are gone from their last stronghold. If you ask ‘what now’ you will be asking the same thing we are. But our career is planned without asking us. Ha.

I had some pictures made the other day, but they were terrible, so I will have to try again before I can send any. I have planned another cross country trek. Maybe I can get a few pictures along the way. This one is to be ten miles further than the last one, and it took three days! Of course, since these hikes are of my own free will, I have to take them whenever I can beg, borrow or steal time from the battery duties. So don’t know just when it will be. We want to do a bit of mountain climbing. Guess you could figure out an easier way of breaking your neck, eh? Ha ha. Bob and I plan to go. You remember him, don’t you?

I saw the show “Slightly Dangerous”, you mentioned. I enjoyed it. Also, you should see “Mr. Big”, “DuBarry was a Lady” and “Random Harvest”. They are all worth seeing.

I have not heard from Mama in a couple of weeks of mail calls. I guess she has gone to Alabama. Have you heard? Or do you write to Nancy often?

Well, Dearest, I’ll close for now. Hope with me that whatever happens next, here, will be for the better.

I am yours devotedly,

Raymond Gowen

Note: this letter was written before the one posted yesterday, which is dated July 21, 1943, but they were both postmarked July 22, 1943 so I just discovered that when I took it out to transcribe it.

My Darling Alice:

I haven’t felt so far from home and familiar places and faces in a long time as I have today. All day you have been on my mind along with so many other thoughts. I tried twice to write today, but it trailed out into nothing and I destroyed the unfinished letters. I’ve been very homesick and lonely, despite the fact I’ve had very little time when there wasn’t a crowd around me.

I know it is bad to let thoughts of home and loved ones get too much of a hold on you. I usually try to prevent it. But today was one of those days that it couldn’t be controlled; when all bars and guard are slacked and I feel very alone. Do you remember how I used to hate western plays, with all their melodrama? Well, today I saw one. Or rather sat through one. Instead of seeing the characters on the screen, I was seeing another set of characters. I even now see Dee as we used to mount “Smokey” and “Prince” to ride fifteen miles to say hello to his friends at Antioch. Or the times I used to saddle “Queenie”, my favorite, and the queen of the herd at home, to ride eight or ten miles under pretense of getting some books. And all the time knowing it was because I wanted to ride like wild wind and she was the only one of the bunch that never seemed to grow tired. Again I see the woods and trails we so often followed. Especially the woods. I loved them so much. Remember one night we, you and I, were going down a moonlit road; and you showed me a large oak tree that you and Frances used to go to and talk over your days activities. I still see the tree and still today wonder what you talked about. If my name was mentioned in that chosen rendezvous. It was near that same place that we said our last goodbye, officially, remember? There are so many other things I remember about that night, too.

As I’ve said, I’ve also had many other thoughts today. As you may already know, Roielee is back in Texas and Dee is in Alaska. I don’t know where he is, yet. But I am very unhappy about the whole thing. Yes, I am afraid. Not for me, but for Dee. I can’t say much more and stay in limits of censor regulations, but if anything should happen to Dee, a part of me would die. He is more than a brother to me. He is a real friend as well. If only I could know where he is, it would be of some help. But I must keep wondering. He says “for a long time.” I think I could laugh at death, my own, but not his. My prayers are that he is not going where I think he eventually will.

I suppose this letter has not been a happy sounding one. I just had to say something to someone and this is one way of saying it. But I am not so unhappy as it may seem. For I still have hope that this war’ll end someday. All of us will return and you and I can carry on where we left off, and carry out that long hoped for marriage. I am keeping the ration book you sent me in anticipation of the great day that I return to civilization.

Darling, it’s getting late and I must rise about 5:30 in the morning so I better hit the hay.

I love you and miss you more than words can say.

Yours forever,

Shorty

My Dear Alice:

Will try to write a few lines, tho I have a terrible headache. But I have been so negligent, I must write anyway. Besides, I have a rugged time coming up tomorrow. With the noise and all that I will go through, I’ll probably have a worse headache.

But through it all, my Darling, I do not forget you. You are there just the same as always. There may be days when I can’t write, but never a day that I can’t think of you and miss you, long for you, and make air castles. And the more I miss you, (which grows steadily worse) the more I know you must miss me. You will keep waiting though, My Dear, of that I have no doubt. I can only wonder how long you will have to. I keep being foolish enough to hope that some day, out of a clear sky, they will tell me I can come back to you.

There has been no mail in a long time, but I have not despaired, yet. But how welcome mail would be at this time. I wonder where Dee is and where Neal has gone and so many things. But we just have to keep waiting and saying “Maybe tomorrow.”

My Darling, you have said you would not doubt me anymore. I am sorry I can’t write every day, but that is the case. So when you are beginning to think you are never going to hear from me again, just keep saying you will not despair, that I do love you and miss you, and that, in time I will write. I will explain it all when I see you again. Meantime, just keep believing in me. I need your faith and love.

Please forgive the short letter, I’ll try to write more soon.

Your devoted,

Shorty

P.S. Didn’t Jewell and Sam Speed ever get married? I was so sure they would. Sam is a great guy.

My Dearest Alice:

I wrote, or at least attempted to write, a few days ago. I don’t know what I wrote. I was terribly short of sleep.

Tonight, it’s just the opposite, I’ve been off duty since 6 P.M., it’s almost ten, I have to get up at six and I am still not sleepy. The truth is that I have been looking at your photograph and day dreaming of you until I am unable to sleep. I’ve visioned our next meeting too often to count. You seem to be everywhere. All day I think of you and at night I dream of you. Sometimes it is maddening and seems that I cannot bear to stay away from you and retain my sanity. But I try your own remedy; look at the better side, and surprisingly enough, I do stay cheerful most of the time. At least outwardly I do. But that terrible, bittersweet turmoil in my heart gets gloriously painful. You’ll probably have to wear a suit of armor for that first embrace, for I feel that you will be unsafe in that embrace.

Darling, I have been in deep thought and not all of them are good. Today, I was called to face another fellow’s heartbreak. He came to me, probably because he needed sympathy or just simply because he had to talk. I’d known for a good while that it was apt to happen and had wished that when the time came, I could help him some way. But when he told me, I could not do so. Only sympathize. His wife was unfaithful, and bears another man’s child. I even wished then that he could hate her, but he doesn’t. Maybe men are fools, but it’s just that way. They go on caring when they shouldn’t. It so happened, anyway, that I knew what he was going through and tried to think what I would do. But I couldn’t imagine, for I thought “what if you were to let me down.” And realized I couldn’t use that for an example. First, you would not let me down. Besides, I could not tell the poor guy to go to some quiet place and die. For that seemed to be the only solution to the problem of “what would I do?” I even tried to tell him to concentrate on other thoughts and when he got back to civilization, he’d soon forget. But it rang hollow in my own ears. I knew it wasn’t true, because I knew, (and who would know better than I?) that he would not forget. Darling, I know I’m not much to love and wait for. And sometime you may even grow tired of doing so. If you do or should meet someone else, don’t let me stand in your way. But, my Love, don’t do as his wife did and try to conceal the fact until someone else has to tell it. Be your own sweet, frank self and tell me then. Don’t try to hide the truth until “after the war.” For one reason, it would show in the tone of your letter. Besides, I’d rather lose you than the faith and trust I have in you as well.

I guess you have heard that Dee is prepared to go overseas? And to make it worse, he is going to colder climates. I’m hoping I’ll see him, but I doubt it.

How is the brother in Mississippi? Any hint of leaving the States, yet? Neil is on the move. Destination unknown.

Well, Darling, they are about to turn out the lights, so I will close. All my love and devotion for you.

Forever your,

Shorty

Alice, Darling:

I received your letter of May 17th last night. Needless to say, it made me divinely happy. But so do all your letters; so that was no new experience. But what was new about it was that I read it just before going to bed, and so now, you are credited with keeping me awake. I had just come in from a show and found your letter on my bunk. The already late hour became later hours and I lay still awake, heedless of passing hours. Until at last I fell into a sort of coma; nightmares of you - once you would be welcoming me back, again you would be angry with me and driving me away from your house. I lived again the night we met and someone, whose face I could not quite remember, was saying something about me going to work at midnight. Somehow, we were back in Dallas and you were sending me away again. Then we were sitting together silently in a car and when I asked you where I could take you, you said anyplace as long as I was going that way. We headed west out of Dallas, to the open plains and it all ended as we rode into nothingness. Now, I guess I’ll have to wonder where we were going and what the outcome could be. But wherever we were going, it was together and that is all that really matters. You and I together forever! It is a thought too grand to be true.

Yes, my Dear, you saw, in the picture, your picture on my table and the cards on the wall. But had the background been larger, you would have seen the rest of the cards. They are all there. The four leaf clover, however, is not still on the card. I keep it on my person as an ever constant reminder of you (as if I needed it).

We are not in as bad a way for entertainment now as we were. We can see movies now. I saw “Random Harvest” last night and it was really good. Also, I don’t have to work nights anymore; so I feel a decided change. The way I work now, I am alone a lot. You may not believe it of me from the way I used to love the masses that I could want to be alone. It is true, though. Of course, I guess it is only temporary because I’ve seen the same faces so much. I will probably be wilder than ever about the glitter, chatter and noise of the masses when I get back. We don’t really know ourselves now. We often joke that we have seen so much olive drab that when we get home, we are all going to get zoot suits with every color of the rainbow, just for a color change. Ha.

Give your brother my best wishes, and ask him if he has learned to sew, wash, iron, etc. yet. Ha. If not, tell him he will when he is sent overseas. (Let’s hope he isn’t.) Dee is in the amphibian training forces now. That is more or less boat landing maneuvers; so I am keeping my fingers crossed and holding my breath in suspense. Roielee plans to stay there until he sails if it is possible. They sent me a picture of Linda. I think she is very sweet and cute.

Well, My Love, I must close and go to work. Be sweet and take care of Alice for me.

May God bless and keep my darling for me.

Your devoted,

Shorty

Dear Alice:

This is the third time I have tried to write to you, but I have found so little to write on that I have had to give it up as a hopeless case. But I can say this much: your letters (four of them) were received with greatest appreciativeness. For I was in a very despondent mood when they came. They, as always, were a great morale builder.

The four leaf clover gave me hope, for it recalled a song, something about “I put a four leaf clover in your pocket to bring you back to me.” I know you would never admit it, but I like to believe that it was significant. Also, I’m saving that “ration book.” The fellows here in my hut read the “Long Letter.” We got a great laugh out of it.

It was sweet of you to want to send some books, my Dear, but it would be quite impossible. For I suppose you heard of our change in mail regulations? Well, we have to ask for something to be sent and then it has to be O.K.’d here. They will O.K. a package if it isn’t an article of issue, or of sale through the camp store, and a few other regulations. I have been permitted to order a Bible and that was about all I have been able to find that would come under the new law. One of the fellows here told me that I would be sure to get it, for there would be plenty in stock. Sometimes I get to wondering if people will ever begin diminishing that stock. Most of the fellows seem afraid of a Bible. Ha. Ever since I’ve been in the Army, I have had a few Testaments laying around, and here I keep three laying on a table. The fellows often without thinking, pick up a few things without proper permission, but never has one picked up a Testament. Well at least, it seems I’ve found a good place to keep change out of sight. They’d never look under a Bible for it! Ha. Only we don’t have to hide money anyway. I have left it laying in plain view of all. I’ll say one thing for the guys. They are honest here. Have you seen Roielee in Dallas? I think she and Mrs. Lawson are living there. I got a letter from Mary Etta. She seems to be quite crazy about you.

She was telling me that you were door neighbors on Fosque Ave. The letter was almost all about you. I had to grin. She didn’t know we had been writing each other. When you see her again, kiss her for me. I think she is a very wonderful old gal. Have you heard from Pat and Nancy since they moved to Ft. Worth? I haven’t, but I’d like to have their address. I don’t guess you knew that S.S. isn’t home to me any more? Well, it isn’t. Collis and Mary Etta and my Dad are the only relatives I have left there. Mama is down on the Gulf Coast, living with my Sister. I’m not even sure Dad still lives there. Christmas was the last time I’ve heard of him. I was surprised to hear of Norene’s marriage. But people will act that way sometimes, won’t they. Ha.

Has your brother been called into the Draft yet? Dee is afraid he is soon going to see “over seas” service. But don’t mention it to Roielee. He may be waiting to see for sure before he tells her.

Well, I must close for now. As always, I’m still.

Yours,

Shorty

Dearest Alice:

Received your letter of Nov. 23rd today. As glad as I was to hear of you again, I was a little bit sad when you wrote that you had not heard from me in over a month. I hope you are not beginning to doubt me again. I’ve written so many letters that it is driving the censors frantic. In time you will get them and then my alibi will be proven. Sometimes it takes over a month for a letter to reach you from here but when it does, you can rest assured there will be more than one.

You say that if I were home, things would be different. Then I will do all in my power to come back. You said you had grown up. Well, so have I. For I have even a greater love for you than ever before, if that is possible.

You asked me if you may call me by my nickname. I have always gone by it. You may call me anything you like, as long as you call me yours. I’m afraid you did not believe I was serious when we were going together. I was never more serious with anyone. I still am serious. Had you accepted my offer that night at the Big House, things would have been so different today. Maybe they will never be different, but I’ll always have hope. For that hope, I can bear this quandry in which we have all been cast. For that hope, I will be able to forget that I am in a hell of ice and snow, but that I am on my last trek across country. For I am ready to stop and forget the rambling life I’ve led. I was glad to learn you have changed your opinion more than you can realize.

I can almost visualize you in the new clothes. But I’m sure you can never replace that black one you wore the night we met. You ask me if I remember! How could I forget. I never forgot the slightest detail or expression of yours. The night you came down those stairs and, smiling pleasantly walked across the hall, my entire scheme of life was changed. Grace, whom I had known six years, faded from my memory, never to be thoroughly reinstated. After I had made the mistake I did, I tried to tell myself that you would soon fade away. But it wasn’t to be that easy. I had to talk of marriage to Grace, and yet my dreams were of you. That is why my first thought was “I’m free”, when she said she was getting married. I had announced our engagement to Mother and my family. Then I wonder what they must have thought when they realized that it didn’t matter to me when she gave me the sack. All except Dee was probably surprised, but Dee wrote me soon after and told me that you were the one for me, anyway. I wonder how much he really knew. For at his wedding to Rosielee, I as best man, and Grace as the Maid of Honor, as he said those words, I do, that was to make him forever true to only Rosielee, that I looked at Grace and knew a strange fear. I realized then more than ever, that once I said those words there was no turning. I was glad all eyes were on Dee, for I think I must have shivered. And now I thank God that it wasn’t me that night that took the final step.

Incompatibility put us apart, but it took a war to bring us back together. And, God willing, I’ll return after the war to state my case and to be true once more.

Till better days, I remain yours.

Devotedly,

Shorty