Alice and Shorty

My Dearest Alice:

Received your three letters of July the 2nd, 7th, + 10th. Was very glad and excited since it had been so long since I’d had any mail. The pictures were wonderful and no little enjoyment and pleasure for me. I just sat and drank in your loveliness. They caused quite a few nice compliments among the fellows here. They were all just tops, but the best one (and everyone who saw them agreed with me) was the one where you were standing by the flowers in the white dress. Or rather it appeared white in the picture. But I bet it’s blue. The two where you were wearing hats were next best. I’m glad to see they were becoming and sensible, and not a bowl of fruit with a cactus pitched in for good measure. Ha.

My Love, I must admit that I had not told Mama about our reunion. I had told her about you before we disagreed. I knew that I would have to tell her and had been wanting to do so, but could not find the words. I guess I had not seen it as you did. I hoped that maybe I could get to see her and explain it personally. But after reading your letter I knew I had been running away again. I’ve just finished a letter to her, telling her, as you suggested, everything. It was not easy to tell her that Grace and I had been fools enough to plan a marriage on friendship. But I had to tell her that part to make her understand that I do really and truly love you and that it wasn’t a “correspondence affair”. I have told her everything. Mama is a very wise and understanding person. I love her as she does me - devotedly. But I wonder if even she can understand my being such a fool. I am sure you will love her and do hope you two will be great friends. You are the two great loves in my life.

She knows that we disagreed and that I broke off with Grace after I met you and returned to her after I lost you. She knows that it was you that I kept trying to forget, and couldn’t, even as Grace and I planned that foolish alliance. My Dear, I spared myself nothing. It was hard to tell my mother I had been such a fool. But it had to come and if you say it should be now, then that’s how it should be. When you meet her, you will find her to be kind and understanding and sympathetic.

Alice, in your last letter, you mentioned waiting for the picture. It has had ample time to be there, so I guess it got lost. Anyway, I will get another made and send it. But, as you can see. if by chance you have received the last one, they are no good. As I’ve said before, we only have amateur photographers here. There is an enlarging apparatus here and we can get enlargements of a kind. Taking pictures here is no easy job. Usually we have to take them on a cloudy day. Sometimes, under even more appalling conditions.

My Love, you say time seems to pass so slowly - the time we are apart - and I agree. It seems unbearable at times. But I feel very sure that I will come back to you. Don’t ask me why I feel so certain, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I love you so, I just could not die. Maybe it’s because I just have to see Dixie Land and the “Southern Miss” again. But I do feel certain. You are the beginning and end of love for me. You represent moonlit lanes under spreading oaks, rippling waters, everything. In fact, it’s you that makes my world go ‘round. Then you could say “you do believe me, don’t you?”. My Dear, I have never doubted a word you say. Some day I’ll prove it. I must close now. Will write again soon.

Yours - heart + soul,

Raymond (Shorty) Gowen

Note: this letter was written before the one posted yesterday, which is dated July 21, 1943, but they were both postmarked July 22, 1943 so I just discovered that when I took it out to transcribe it.

My Darling Alice:

I haven’t felt so far from home and familiar places and faces in a long time as I have today. All day you have been on my mind along with so many other thoughts. I tried twice to write today, but it trailed out into nothing and I destroyed the unfinished letters. I’ve been very homesick and lonely, despite the fact I’ve had very little time when there wasn’t a crowd around me.

I know it is bad to let thoughts of home and loved ones get too much of a hold on you. I usually try to prevent it. But today was one of those days that it couldn’t be controlled; when all bars and guard are slacked and I feel very alone. Do you remember how I used to hate western plays, with all their melodrama? Well, today I saw one. Or rather sat through one. Instead of seeing the characters on the screen, I was seeing another set of characters. I even now see Dee as we used to mount “Smokey” and “Prince” to ride fifteen miles to say hello to his friends at Antioch. Or the times I used to saddle “Queenie”, my favorite, and the queen of the herd at home, to ride eight or ten miles under pretense of getting some books. And all the time knowing it was because I wanted to ride like wild wind and she was the only one of the bunch that never seemed to grow tired. Again I see the woods and trails we so often followed. Especially the woods. I loved them so much. Remember one night we, you and I, were going down a moonlit road; and you showed me a large oak tree that you and Frances used to go to and talk over your days activities. I still see the tree and still today wonder what you talked about. If my name was mentioned in that chosen rendezvous. It was near that same place that we said our last goodbye, officially, remember? There are so many other things I remember about that night, too.

As I’ve said, I’ve also had many other thoughts today. As you may already know, Roielee is back in Texas and Dee is in Alaska. I don’t know where he is, yet. But I am very unhappy about the whole thing. Yes, I am afraid. Not for me, but for Dee. I can’t say much more and stay in limits of censor regulations, but if anything should happen to Dee, a part of me would die. He is more than a brother to me. He is a real friend as well. If only I could know where he is, it would be of some help. But I must keep wondering. He says “for a long time.” I think I could laugh at death, my own, but not his. My prayers are that he is not going where I think he eventually will.

I suppose this letter has not been a happy sounding one. I just had to say something to someone and this is one way of saying it. But I am not so unhappy as it may seem. For I still have hope that this war’ll end someday. All of us will return and you and I can carry on where we left off, and carry out that long hoped for marriage. I am keeping the ration book you sent me in anticipation of the great day that I return to civilization.

Darling, it’s getting late and I must rise about 5:30 in the morning so I better hit the hay.

I love you and miss you more than words can say.

Yours forever,

Shorty

My Dear Alice:

Will try to write a few lines, tho I have a terrible headache. But I have been so negligent, I must write anyway. Besides, I have a rugged time coming up tomorrow. With the noise and all that I will go through, I’ll probably have a worse headache.

But through it all, my Darling, I do not forget you. You are there just the same as always. There may be days when I can’t write, but never a day that I can’t think of you and miss you, long for you, and make air castles. And the more I miss you, (which grows steadily worse) the more I know you must miss me. You will keep waiting though, My Dear, of that I have no doubt. I can only wonder how long you will have to. I keep being foolish enough to hope that some day, out of a clear sky, they will tell me I can come back to you.

There has been no mail in a long time, but I have not despaired, yet. But how welcome mail would be at this time. I wonder where Dee is and where Neal has gone and so many things. But we just have to keep waiting and saying “Maybe tomorrow.”

My Darling, you have said you would not doubt me anymore. I am sorry I can’t write every day, but that is the case. So when you are beginning to think you are never going to hear from me again, just keep saying you will not despair, that I do love you and miss you, and that, in time I will write. I will explain it all when I see you again. Meantime, just keep believing in me. I need your faith and love.

Please forgive the short letter, I’ll try to write more soon.

Your devoted,

Shorty

P.S. Didn’t Jewell and Sam Speed ever get married? I was so sure they would. Sam is a great guy.

My Dearest Alice:

I wrote, or at least attempted to write, a few days ago. I don’t know what I wrote. I was terribly short of sleep.

Tonight, it’s just the opposite, I’ve been off duty since 6 P.M., it’s almost ten, I have to get up at six and I am still not sleepy. The truth is that I have been looking at your photograph and day dreaming of you until I am unable to sleep. I’ve visioned our next meeting too often to count. You seem to be everywhere. All day I think of you and at night I dream of you. Sometimes it is maddening and seems that I cannot bear to stay away from you and retain my sanity. But I try your own remedy; look at the better side, and surprisingly enough, I do stay cheerful most of the time. At least outwardly I do. But that terrible, bittersweet turmoil in my heart gets gloriously painful. You’ll probably have to wear a suit of armor for that first embrace, for I feel that you will be unsafe in that embrace.

Darling, I have been in deep thought and not all of them are good. Today, I was called to face another fellow’s heartbreak. He came to me, probably because he needed sympathy or just simply because he had to talk. I’d known for a good while that it was apt to happen and had wished that when the time came, I could help him some way. But when he told me, I could not do so. Only sympathize. His wife was unfaithful, and bears another man’s child. I even wished then that he could hate her, but he doesn’t. Maybe men are fools, but it’s just that way. They go on caring when they shouldn’t. It so happened, anyway, that I knew what he was going through and tried to think what I would do. But I couldn’t imagine, for I thought “what if you were to let me down.” And realized I couldn’t use that for an example. First, you would not let me down. Besides, I could not tell the poor guy to go to some quiet place and die. For that seemed to be the only solution to the problem of “what would I do?” I even tried to tell him to concentrate on other thoughts and when he got back to civilization, he’d soon forget. But it rang hollow in my own ears. I knew it wasn’t true, because I knew, (and who would know better than I?) that he would not forget. Darling, I know I’m not much to love and wait for. And sometime you may even grow tired of doing so. If you do or should meet someone else, don’t let me stand in your way. But, my Love, don’t do as his wife did and try to conceal the fact until someone else has to tell it. Be your own sweet, frank self and tell me then. Don’t try to hide the truth until “after the war.” For one reason, it would show in the tone of your letter. Besides, I’d rather lose you than the faith and trust I have in you as well.

I guess you have heard that Dee is prepared to go overseas? And to make it worse, he is going to colder climates. I’m hoping I’ll see him, but I doubt it.

How is the brother in Mississippi? Any hint of leaving the States, yet? Neil is on the move. Destination unknown.

Well, Darling, they are about to turn out the lights, so I will close. All my love and devotion for you.

Forever your,

Shorty

Alice, Darling:

Received your letters of June 5 and 10th, as well as the card. Maybe I’m just plain sentimental, but that was one of the sweetest verses I ever read. I also like to believe it was heartfelt on your part. And I do believe it.

When you began that letter, you did not expect an answer of your question you asked about how the letter would find me, but I’ll tell you anyway. I’m lonely almost to being miserable. Yet I am happy in a way. Being away from you only increases my love for you and it has grown to be hard to bear. That is, it is hard to stay away and gets steadily harder to forget you long enough to keep my mind on my work. I never knew anyone could ever mean so much to me.

Dear one, how I do wish your dream would come true. But of course, there would be a different ending. I was also thankful for the “crystal gazer’s” defense on my behalf. Yes, Dear, I know the part concerning me is true. And you say she told you other truths. How they do it, I’ll probably never know, but don’t believe in them too strongly. I have read too much on them. I even had a friend in the show business who told me they were the greatest fakes on earth. The only trouble with going to them is that they will make a believer out of you and then drain your purse. I went to one, out of fun, and she said I’d meet you in Sulphur Springs. As you know was true. She even said we would have trouble at first, but in the outcome we would be married and have a long, happy life together. They agree on that part. So do we and we will make their prophecy come true. They would both probably be very surprised to know their predictions came true. Ha.

My Darling, you must have the memory of an elephant. I didn’t think I even told you my birthday. Yes, it is June 29th. And day after tomorrow, I will be one quarter century old. I have not received the picture yet, but I am anxiously awaiting tomorrow. There is a possibility we will get mail; and if we do, I’m sure your picture will be in it. I’m practically in a fever from reading your letters and seeing the pictures of you that I have here. If this one should be any better, I’ll probably be a sick man.

By the way, the propaganda letters have ceased. Only those two and I’ve heard no more. And just as they were getting good, too. Ha. I wish they would start again; so I could read the next installment. Ha ha. I don’t believe, however, that it was the notorious Mister X of the West unless he had gotten someone else to mail them for him. They came from different places and in different handwriting. I’m sure it wasn’t any of my closer friends or they would have known I wouldn’t believe them. Besides, I had previously received a letter from one of my friends praising you and in absolute contradiction to the other two.

I like the idea of “two children and someday our own home.” How often I have imagined that. And the home, I hope will be a cozy little place, set behind a big lawn, flowers, and trees. (Lots and lots of trees). There will be a white picket fence around it, and it will be out of town. There is so much I have envisioned and imagined and you will reign as a queen on her throne. (Oops, there I go again, and you told me you didn’t want a throne. Ha.). Very well, then, you shall reign as a wife cherished and loved until (and after) your hair has turned to gray. And our two children (what? three? well, not more than four) shall have plenty of room to play and live in the sun. They shall learn the beauty of nature. I hope no child of mine ever asks me questions I have been asked here by grown men. Such as: Do peanuts grow on trees? What is a baby cow called? They even ask what cotton looks like and what magnolia trees are like. How can you tell one snake from another, etc. ‘Tis disgusting.

Well, my love, I’m out of paper and the PX is closed. So will close. May God be with you My Darling.

Love,

Shorty

Dearest Alice:

There isn’t much that I can write. Just a few lines to let you know all is well. Of course I can’t pass on any rumors, as that is strictly against the government policy. So all that I know can not be told. Ha.

Our winter is over now and we have an easier time of existing. Of course, winter’s being over doesn’t mean we’re having summer weather every day, but it’s more bearable. And there will be, at least, a few green things growing.

Alice, I have had the enlargements made and will try to get them off later today or tomorrow. Of course, as you will easily see, they aren’t so very good. But consider what the picture is of, and that we only have amateur photographers, and lots of other handicaps.

Darling, please excuse such a short letter. I am so sleepy I can hardly stay awake. I was up all night last night, got off at 8 A.M. and back on at seven P.M. and will probably get to bed by 2:00 A.M. tonight. Will write again soon. I love you very dearly-

Your Shorty